THBBM - Calluses

Calluses
'Cause I've found a way, to steal the sun from the sky...
3-24

Last night, standing in the crowd... waiting for the lights to go up. Three bands, five dollars. The event was a benefit, with all proceeds going to the aid of a little girl with a terrible disease that is stealing her away. I didn't know the bands. I didn't know the girl. But it was nice to have a place to go, and if going can help someone fight for life, all the better, right?

The show started late, but there was a casual energy to the place that seemed to wash all the minor hassles aside (although it could have just as easily been all that jagermeister I was drinking). The bands were local, the fans were friends. Lyrics I'd never heard before would end up being sung on cue. Best of all, the crowd was all dressed to impress in a small town local metal band show sort of way. Everybody trying way too hard to look like someone else. Eye shadow, spiked heels, and tattoos as far as the eye wanted to go. It was horrible. It was laughable.

...It was wonderful.

Hey hey, my my,
rock and roll can never die...
- N. Young

I've been playing guitar again. A lot, lately.

Although I kept telling myself that I wouldn't, I eventually found myself putting it down again. Making up excuses. Finding reasons to avoid. Telling myself that there wasn't room, wasn't time, wasn't a reason.

Playing with capitulation.
Flirting with surrender.

As usual, I tried to fill the void with the acoustic, but it's not always the same. My calluses were fading, and maybe my hunger for it was feeling the weight as well. But then I started meeting musicians again, and in particular have become friends with someone who may well put me on a stage to show my skills in front of people. Playing music shouldn't be so easy to put down, but picking it up again has definitely had an effect on my attitude, and my creativity in general..

...Which makes me wonder why I ever stopped playing in the first place.

Sometimes it feels like I wake up in the midst of some ancient folk tale. Like I'm standing naked with ropes tied to each hand. Pulling one down makes the other go up. Searching for balance, holding the scales. When this one comes alive, it must feed from the other. When you turn up the vocals, you can't always hear the guitar.

What I need is equilibrium.
What I want is the plunge from the top of the coaster, the drop from the lip of the wave

That moment, that weightlessness when the car clears the first hill; the scale teeters left; when one rope coming down sends the other hurtling away..

I love the falling. But like so many others, I fear the crash..

I've been playing guitar again.

Again and again, these jobs I take that I can't find a way to care about. Again and again, these solutions that only serve to perpetuate the problems. Again and again, the specter of job loss over my head. Again and again I'll blame the boss. I'll blame the company. I'll pull the rope so that the weight of it all flies away from me, and I can hold that badge of myself close..

Intensity junkie.
gnats in the honey.

...this night wounds time.

Somehow for me it has to be all black. All Yin. For some reason it always has to be On the Road, Endless Summers, or Red Barchettas. Never in-between. Never just enough.

Henry David sat by a lake. Just sat there and stunk up those woods. Did nothing at all and came across things worth finding. Buddhists suppress their material wants so that they can hopefully receive that which can't just be given...

Sometimes I wish I knew how to fix broken motorcycles,
or at least had the ability to be fall in love with the trying, you know?

I've been playing guitar again.

The guitar players in the concert last night were the reasons that people tend to roll their eyes at guitar players. Each one just a little more cookie cut than the last. Don't get me wrong now - I had a good time, and it was a great show. It's just that sometimes when you find yourself face to face with the impression people get of the people who represent your passions, you sometimes find yourself wishing that you had taken up needlepoint instead.

The opening act, Allele - came on with fantastic energy and a flair for making melodies that easily got your head bobbing. But their songs all had a way of sounding alike, which to me made then less memorable than they could have been. Or to put it another way, Allele put on a great show, I just can't tell you what a single one of their tunes sounded like.

The guitarist for the band had a fantastic skill for making everything he did sound enormous, which really helped to fire the crowd up. But he was one of those "close your eyes when you play the slow chords" guys, which sometimes is hard to watch without snickering.

The second band was called Burn Season. They brought with them a huge sound, infectious energy, and tight vocal harmonies that in my mind made them the most impressive act of the night. The singer (despite playing up the fact that he looked kinda like Trent Reznor a little more than he probably needed to) drew the crowd immediately into his voice, never really letting go until the set was over. There were moments in their show where he held everyone right up against the stage, only to launch them into frenetic jumping fits a second later.

The club itself was a little too small to accommodate a pit.
Two songs into their set one cropped up anyways - calling me to join in.
Jager or not, I was more than happy to oblige.

Burn Season's guitar player and bassist worked their parts in and out of each other, creating a foundation that allowed the singer to bring focus on the lyrics and dynamics of each song. And yet there were points in each number where I'd find myself craning my neck to get a better look at what their hands were doing, as they worked in flourishes and accents where the spaces allowed, all the while keeping the attention focused on the center of the stage.

Unfortunately, the guitarist felt it necessary to switch to a different axe for every song they played. Each guitar he switched to was the same shape and sound, only a different color. He also had a guy who's job it was to hand him each successive instrument. And while I'd personally love to have a guitar tech on hand to keep my equipment in tune, there was something about the whole spectacle that just shouted, "look how many guitars I have!"

The night ended with a full set from a band called Shinedown, who have just signed a record deal and may very well be coming to a new rock/alternative station near you with an hook laden single called "Fly From the Inside." Their sound brings to mind something between Alice in Chains and Saliva, which sadly lumps them in with just about every other band playing on the radio right now. Still, if you're gonna be a part of that mainstream, it's cool to have some songwriting along the way.

Shinedown offered a singer who's voice was perhaps the most powerful and wide-ranged of the night - but he physically bore a striking resemblance to 70's rock icon Meat Loaf, which for me detracted a bit from their overall appeal. He could sing like crazy, but to be honest, I kept waiting for Tim Curry to come out in drag and kill him with a fire axe.

While "Fly From the Inside" offers a nice twist on the formula of soft verses going to heavy choruses and back again ad infinitum, the rest of the band's songs all kinda felt like power ballads, even when they weren't intended to be. And while it was abundantly clear the band was polished and knew their songs, they were largely unable to find a way to win the crowd over, at one point asking if there was anybody in the audience who wanted to start a mosh pit.

No one did.

Their guitarist also changed instruments for each song, but it was by far the least of his offenses during the night. He was one of those lanky muscular dudes with the long jet-black hair who insisted on performing without a shirt so that you could get the full benefit of the extensive literature that had been tattooed across his back and arms. This in an of itself isn't really that big of a deal, because it's not like he's the only one who does this sort of thing, and it's not like there aren't plenty of folks who come to these shows hoping to see something like that.

The problem was that this guy is one of the unfortunate souls who suffer from one of the most crippling maladies you can possibly have as a rock and roll guitar player.

Orgasm face.

Every available opportunity for audience contact was filled with the sort of scrunched up eyebrows, eyeballs on acid, sucked-in cheeks histrionics that ended up looking nothing short of creepy. I'm all for getting into the spirit of a performance, but there were points during the show where I seriously wanted to go up to the guy and say,

"You know that electrically charged cable coming out of the front of your amplifier?
You're supposed to plug that into the small tight hole on the underside of your guitar."

But he just kept at it all night, squirming and gasping like a goldfish outside the bowl, with this look on his face that just seemed to call out, "Yessiree I am one sexy, sexy beast... just look at my orgasm face!"

What's worse, in addition to being Mr. money shot, he was also a "point at the audience" guy, which is always embarrassing. I mean, what are you supposed to do - point back? All through the show shirtless dude would play his chords, let them ring, and then use his free hand to catch the attention of someone in the crowd; as if to say:

Hey you!

...Yes, You!

check out my orgasm face!

This was especially disturbing when they were dedicating a special song to the little girl for whom the benefit was being held. Because in addition to being a horribly overwrought alterna-metal love song - which, let's not forget was sung by a guy who looked like meat loaf; the guitarist chose this moment to bring out his special Led Zeppelin double-neck guitar (which, if you don't know - is the ultimate rock and roll no-no). This was assumedly so that he could add a special level of resonance to his musical message to the world.

Which of course was:

Dig my hella bitchin' guitar with two necks!

...and my orgasm face!!