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The Tent of
Shame
We're sorry, hate to
interrupt, but it's against the law to jump off that
bridge...
3-26
- The modern
corporate world is an odd balance of profit-first
savagery and kid-glove personnel practices. From
incentive-laden salary packages to perks and benefits
that would have been unheard of in days past, the
environment of business has definetly changed. Currently
I am working for one of these "happy
employees make for more productive
employees"
types of organizations, and I have to say that after
having slaved away in as many shark tanks as I have in my
past, I couldn't be happier.
-
- Free coffee, an
on-site cafe, casual dress code, flexible working
schedules.. It's the kind of place that I don't mind
coming to, or working hard at. The management takes the
time to find out what might help to make my day smoother,
and they make and effort to put those things into
place.
-
- But then again, I
don't smoke.
-
- "It's
not a desire for drugs.
It's a desire for personal
freedom"
- -
Bill Hicks
-
-
- The office I work
at actually encompasses three buildings that sit on the
bank of the St. Johns River, offering spectacular views
of the downtown skyline and the boats traveling along the
water. Apparently for years the smokers in the company
enjoyed the use of a deck on the riverside of the middle
building, a place where they could take a quick break
from their work, enjoy the view and then get right back
to the grind.
-
- But, as is the
case with a lot of places these days; the outcry over the
smell, the litter, the risks of secondhand smoke, and of
course the stigma that comes from having a bunch of
people apparently loafing around on one of the nicest
parts of the campus from dawn to dusk caused tensions
that even the most nimble-minded human resources
specialist could never solve.
-
- Luckilly for HR,
the solution presented itself. The center building, home
to the smokers deck, is the oldest of the three
buildings; and as a result, its riddled with asbestos.
So, in order to keep in line with local building
standards and create a safer workplace for it's
employees, the company made the outdoor areas of the
building off-limits until the construction crews were
finished with their work.
-
- Let me make
sure that you haven't missed the beauty of this: The
smokers in the company were kicked out of their
designated gathering place in order to
protect them from catching lung
cancer.
-
- Of course, without
an "official" place to hang, the smokers just sort of
migrated to other outdoor areas of the campus, much to
the chagrin of their more health-concious
coworkers.
-
- So in an effort to
come up with a solution to this problem that would
placate everyone involved, management took a bold step
and sent out a Friday afternoon memo. The memo informed
any employees who might be smokers that in a
consideration of their needs, the company was going to
construct a special outdoor facility just for
them.
-
- This facility
would be away from the employees who were non-smokers,
but would also provide the smokers with a view of the
river as nice, if not nicer than the one they previously
enjoyed. Immenities would be provided; and the place
would be easily accessible from work.
-
- The smokers
wheezed forth a smile.
-
- They came to work
the next Monday with a sense of excitement. An excitement
that quickly faded once they caught sight of their new
home.
-
- The tent
of shame.
-
- At the far corner
of the employee parking lot the company erected a shelter
made of a canvas awning supported by metal poles. The
structure is surrounded by orange safety cones so someone
doesn't try to park their car under it. And of course,
there were the requisite flower pots filled with sand.
There were no chairs, tables, or anything else. You can
still see the river, but you have to stand away from the
trees next to the tent.
-
- They look like zoo
animals, mulling around behind their orange-coned
boundaries. In a way, it's kinda sad. I happen to park my
car in an area of the parking lot that is just on the
other side of the shame tent. So one day I am walking to
my car to run a lunch-hour errand and as I get closer and
closer to the tent I notice all the people inside the
tent looking at me with beckoning eyes and expectant
smiles. One woman actually gave me that look that says
"come on over." It felt like I was walking by an animal
shelter, full of puppies doomed to the gas chamber doing
their best sad eyes act trying to get my
attention.
-
- When I walked past
them on my way towards the luftmobile, I could almost
feel their collective dissapointment.
-
- I mean, the
company knows it could never legally forbid
it's employees from smoking -- but nothing says that they
can't require them to walk through the elements (rain,
cold, wind, people trying to park) out to an isolated
area where they have to stand around and try not to look
like prisoners behind a stockade wall...
-
- The smokers aren't
real happy about any of this, but -- they're addicts, so
day after day they trudge out to the tent
anyways.
-
- ******
-
- I don't smoke.
Never have. I really don't see the appeal of
it.
-
- But at the same
time, I have never felt a strong compulsion to eradicate
the habit from the face of the earth. I don't like it,
but it takes very little effort to either move away from
it or ask the person to please smoke elsewhere. I mean,
It's not like I am going to live
forever if
everyone on the planet suddenly put on a nicotine patch
and started acting like a bastard all the
time.
-
- But I'll will tell
you one thing, the fifth column movement in this country
that's out to demonize anything connected to the tobacco
industry pisses me off. Especially a particular "youth
organized and controlled" activist group known as
Truth.
-
- This group (which
is actually funded by state agencies here in Florida) can
be found all over your television screen doing hipster
commercials in which they hassle smokers, drop "body
bags" in front of ciggarette company offices, and drive
around neighborhoods where employees of these companies
live -- blasting out messages over a speaker that say "I
am happy making a product that kills people."
-
- Yes, smoking is
dangerous, and yes, it has cost the world the lives of
many people. No one's denying that. But there has to be a
line between what people choose for themselves and a
small group of people deciding what is right and wrong
for the rest of us. I have no patience for people who
believe they have the right to tell me what they
think is or isn't in my best interests.
-
- I chose not to
smoke. The people I know who do smoke made the choice to
do it. Yes they are addicted to the nicotine, but it's
not that far away from the choice I made to be addicted
to three cups of coffee every morning. Freedom is not
a safeguard against stupidity. And as a society, we
are guaranteed the right to be as dumb or as enlightened
as we damn well please. Others have the right not to like
it, but I think you take it too far when you come to my
place of work and tell me that I am a
murderer.
-
- And where are
these munchkin do-gooders when you really need
them anyways? I had Taco Bell for lunch today, and as far
as I'm concerned, I'm
lucky to be alive
-- but I certainly don't recall a bunch of Gen-x
deadbeats armed with techno music and overblown
positivity hanging around the drivethrough trying to shun
me away from any certain doom...
-
- Besides, this
whole attitude sets a very dangerous precedent. What if
some group out there decides that reading certain books
is evil, having the right to legal representation, or the
right to face your accuser is evil? How about same-sex
marriages, or being African-American?
-
- What's the next
hip teen cause to stamp out gonna be?
-
- Holy holocaust
Britney! I stepped on a bug on my way into work! The
company I work for makes cell phones that skillet fry
your brain cells! Once, I put fifty cents into the
machine to get a newspaper, and I took out three issues
instead of one!
-
- Call the action
squad! Corey! Brandi! Dylan! Sarah-Michelle! To
arms!
-
-
- sheesh.
-
Just
take your ecstacy and shut up.
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