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Om Namaha Shivaya
Your job shall be to clarify the obvious for visiting shoelace rainbow monkeys.
7-29
- I've had some strange things happen to me in the past few weeks. Little Oliver Stone Indians in the background that don't immediately make sense, or help me to understand things any better. But they keep happening.
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- And they keep hanging in my mind.
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- I'm worried about circles, about ripples. I'm finding that I can see in the dark, but I don't recognize the faces that I'm finding there.
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- I think I'm jealous of David.
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- Sitting in the surf Saturday morning, feeling my heart beat. Watching the water roll towards and under. It felt so good being there, yet I was feeling unsatisfied. Then, like a picture out of my own past... there he was.
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- A dark, dorsal ghost proceeding the silently turning curve. All at once in front of me, and then - just as instantly... gone.
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- Having just finished a book where cats were not cats, and crows could not stay silent, it felt somewhat different this time around.
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- And yet it was the same.
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- I'm worried that the chapters are repeating. I'm worried that the plot points have cycled. I'm worried that my dolphin felt like he had to come back and give me his message again, and I still don't really know what he said in the first place.
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- I got a full-length look in a full-length mirror the other day.
I got what amounted to the embodiment of an ancient wish come true a few nights back.
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- Indian says to me, "are you sure you don't want to?"
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- The eyes looking at the mirror, wishing they didn't know the body staring back at them. Like they were in a public place, and the mind is praying that the body doesn't see them standing there, hoping against hope that it won't wave and walk over, make uncomfortable small talk and ask why you don't call anymore.
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- I'm up all hours.
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Defiance.
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- I can't sleep.
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Surrender.
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- I open the box to my genius. The pieces are all there. I carefully lift out what appears to be a rectangular frame of stuck together puzzle pieces.
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- Just like me to only do the edges.
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- Everything's random. Everything is disconnected. So much to say, but no words to use. I can only seem to write titles anymore.
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Indian says,
"get your shit straight, or I'm going to tell her to leave."
"bout damn time, crack head."
"trying to find out what's been going on in your life by reading the site, but..."
"I'll be short, let you get back to what you were doing."
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Do I cast Shadow's Laura?
Are you Daisy under Harbors Light?
When did I forget how to say?
How to stay?
How come I always know when you're not talking about me?
I need to write.
I need to say.
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But I'm looking at the line following my quill tonight,
and even I'm not sure where it's going.
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