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Icing
Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism?
11-10
- It was a younger Jay McInerney that let me down in the last chapter.
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- The first novel he wrote, the second one he published. I knew it
wasn't his best, I'd even seen an interview somewhere where he himself had
said as much.
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- But I'm a fan. A completist. It was going along pretty good until
that last chapter. Pretty good...
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- I don't want to miss a word he writes, even if it ends badly or feels
like it wasn't developed enough.
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- Mistakes are part of the Aura. His bad books appeal to me as
much
as his good ones.
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- I'm tired. I don't feel 100% well.
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- I've not been sleeping very well in the new house. It's comfortable,
it's ours, but no one has been able to get good rest there yet. I
don't really know why.
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- Yesterday afternoon I surfed the web for a little, goofed off a bit,
and picked up an unread novel at my desk -- "Invisible Monsters" by
Chuck Palahniuk. The first chapter is hodgepodge.. forcing stylized
narratives down your throat. It's clever, and I think I will like it
(eventually) -- but my gut is bubbling toil and trouble thanks to a
bag
of Doritos that comprised the entirety of my lunch. For whatever
reason, the nacho chips didn't gel very effectively with the 6 cups
of
coffee I had for breakfast.
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- Go figure.
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- I don't feel great. I want to go home and veg out. At this particular
moment in time and indigestion, I don't feel very open to Chuck screwing around with the narrative timeline as an artistic statement.
Just tell me what happened to her face already!
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- You know what's really bad, though? I want to go home and get on the
playstation for a couple hours.
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- I know, I know, but that's what I want to do... It's relaxing, it's
mindless.. in my Sony playstation world the broncos win, and the
badguys go away when I press the pause button.
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- But shouldn't my escape be writing? Shouldn't it be guitars at
20
paces?
Shouldn't it be hanging out with friends on a Friday night like
this?
- Kim's friend is taking her to see the group Live play.. live in a
week
or so. When she told me about it she thought I was going to be mad at
her. Probably because no one bought me a ticket. But it's a Kim and Kathy thing -- I get it. I understand.
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- it still sorta bites ass, though...
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- I'm good at computer hockey. Did you know that? Is it beneficial to
be
good at that sort of thing? Is it good to tell another person that
sort of thing?
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- You get to be good at computer hockey by staying in and playing
it.
You get good at computer hockey by not going out.
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- When I was a lonely single guy, playing computer hockey when you
didn't want to deal with girls at the bars who didn't want to deal
with you was a good choice to make once in a while...
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- But then again, going to the bars was fun too.
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- Haven't done that in forever.
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- I'm in such a weird maudlin sort of mood. All this rain, all this
mist
in the air.. what are you supposed to do with it?
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- Why does it bring me down?
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- "Invisible Monsters" is only a few pages in, but this novel isn't
holding me very well.
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- I could write a better one. I should write a better one.
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- I should just fucking write.
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- When I go home, something unforeseen will require my time. Then
dinner
will need to be made, and time will pass.
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- Kim and I will make eyes at each other, maybe even touch when it
seems
no one is looking, but then she will get sleepy and tired (from
running after the kid all day). She will take the baby into the
bedroom, and she will fall restlessly asleep. Not really what either of us want, but what can you do?
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- I will be tired as
well,
but I won't go to bed.
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- I'm really good at computer hockey.
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Did I ever tell you that?
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